Stuck in a Quarter Life Crisis

lately i can't get him off my mind. i try and try and try not to think about him. but it seems like the more i try, the worse it gets. why is that the things you want most, you can't always have? in the back of my mind, i know he's not the one for me. yet, i'd take him back if i could. i doubt we'll ever get back together and that kinda pisses me off. that means i'll have to open myself up to the next one that comes along. and that's the last thing i wanna do. i like the safe route. there aren't many guys from my past that leave this kind of impression on me. i take pride in being able to get over things quickly. but i can't shake this one. and it wasn't like i was ever in love with him which makes it difficult to understand. sometimes i feel like the relationship and even the friendship weren't worth the headaches he caused me. i can think of a million and one reasons why he's not the one for me. but those factors just don't outweigh my desire to have him back. and don't get it mixed up, this ain't a "javi" post. (lol). this is a 'living, breathing, dark, lean, handsome, well-educated, without kids, baby mamas, or a criminal record' human being i am talking about. the two of us make a great couple...on paper. but in reality i've had to make myself come to terms with the fact that it's not going to work no matter how much i want it to. and that's been hard because i really desire him...physically. that there man is gorgeous! but lord if he ain't the most bizarre guy i've ever met. now don't get me wrong, he's not flat out stupid or anything. just slightly childish. i couldn't stand constantly walking on egg shells because of his sensitivity. damn! man up! to make matters worse, he's not a dolphins fan and he loves basketball. and truth be told, i became more attracted to his brother just from the conversations we had about our families. something tells me i ended up with the wrong sibling. his brother is everything he is, but isn't a few cards short of a full deck from what i gather. what's up with that anyway? i either meet someone i'm physically attracted to or mentally/intellectually attracted to? can i get both please? i mean, is it too much to ask to find someone with balance? but then again, it could be me. i'm in no position right now to be giving of myself with the recent, and lofty, goals i have set. i've already hit a roadblock. the professor i asked to write me a recommendation has not responded back to me. knowing her, she's turned me down and won't bother letting me know. i won't even begin to understand professors like that. she's only teaching 2 classes this semester so i know she can't be that busy! but i'm trying to learn that some things are just out of my hands. now would i have a problem rolling up on her in the parking lot and demanding a letter at gun point? probably so since i'm scared to death of guns. and the thought of spending any amount of time in a jail cell with a "cleo" makes me feel real uneasy. but still. she could at least have the decency to email me back and say no. wait...what was i talking about again? oh yeah, him. yep...still thinking about him. i think i may need to get out more. i've grown too fond of being a homebody. but what is there to do? i guess if i were in a place like nyc, i wouldn't have this problem. seems like there is so much to do there. and if i were in chicago, i'd at least have plenty of company with the women who visit her year round. (lol) atlanta bores me to tears. but i'd rather be here than a place like nyc. it may be boring, but it's much much much more affordable. putting up with the traffic, bad transportation system, inconsistent weather, and snap/crunk [read: shitty] music is worth it when i can look around my spacious, pest-free apt. but being a homebody could lead me to become a cat lady-having old maid. i don't actually like cats, but you know what i mean. i refuse to find companionship with a pet. that's just insane. no offense to those out there with pets. well, let me get back to trying to complete my list of tasks. dp threw a wrench in my plans by posting this. who can get work done listening to such brilliance? this was meant to be enjoyed with a drink in hand and stretched out on the sofa...with someone. damnit!

[if i knew how, i'd post a song that fits my situation right now. jill scott- cross my mind. i may need to contact nikki and request a tutorial]