Why can't we just be friends?
i value many things in life. they include the obvious things like my life, my family, my health, and my javi (lol). but just as important as those things are my friends. now i'm not talking about those people i say "what’s up?" to every now and then in a mass email. i am talking about real friends. those you would go to battle with and for. the ones that pick you up when you're down, tell you it’s going to be okay even when they don’t know for sure, and just bring joy to your life by being in your life. my friends are closer to me than most of my family. they're priceless and i am grateful for them.
most of my close friends are women, but i have a few male ones. and i've finally realized that some of my male friends and i aren't on the same page. i use to scoff at those who said men and women can't be friends. "you're wrong!" i would say to those who thought that. "[insert name of close male friend] and i are great friends and we have nothing going on between us". the problem i have finally come to terms with is that i am friends with them only because they have sort of accepted the fact that i don't want to be romantically involved with them. i don’t mean to be pretentious in any way, but that’s how it’s been. instead of a relationship, they've settled, in a way, for what i am willing to give...friendship. it’s like a dark cloud hanging over us and i hate that. i'd love to have a cool guy i could just kick it with...and without any complications.
anyway, one of my closest male friends and i met and got to know each other because he had a crush on me. i told him back then that i didn’t feel the same way and he seemed cool about it at the time. but fast forward almost six years and he STILL brings it up. not only that, but i've noticed that we rarely have a conversation without him bringing that up or bringing up my past relationships i've been in since we've known each other. and not to mention his tendency to bring up my future love life and what he thinks will happen with it. this guy could be the godfather of my future kids, yet he irritates the hell outta me. sometimes i just want to tell him to shut the fuck up. but that would be so harsh. the thing is, he has a girlfriend who he's been seeing the past year and a half. i'm going to need him to not focus so much on what could've been or my knack for screwing up relationships and more on his own life. he knows me enough to know that if past occurrences are any indication of the future, then a relationship with me would not end happily ever after. so why bother? (i had to accept that i can't even be friends with ex-boyfriends to my chagrin). why can't he just be the "jerry" to my "elaine" or the "william" to my "joan"? he's a good guy. very nice and respectful. a bit goofy at times, but a good person. i'm just not attracted to him like that. never was. there are times when i think we've gotten past it, but he finds a way to bring that shit up. there's got to be another way of addressing this cause periodically avoiding his calls is not going to work forever.
this is starting to make me wonder...can a straight man and woman really just be friends?
If I am physically attracted to someone, the possibility of just a good friendship and nothing more is very slim. I think that you just need to be a little more direct and let dude know once and for all that the two of you will never happen.
It's a cold cold world.
Posted by
Amar |
9:32 AM
I agree with the poster above. It's easier to have a relationship with someone when both you and him have no attraction to each other whatsoever!
PS: Elaine fucked Jerry and Joan fucked William....you don't want those types of friendships
Posted by
Julia_Claudine_Deveraux |
3:55 PM
damn julia, you're right. elaine and joan crossed that line. well then i'm referring to their friendships after that. lol
Posted by
dareal_aka_alex2.0 |
6:19 PM
I think it's possible. One of my longest lasting friendships is with a straight guy. We've been best friends for 7 years now, and we've never had sex or kissed or even gone on a date. We're almost like siblings. I love it.
Posted by
Anonymous |
7:38 PM
I have some male friends that are really my friends and we have never had anything sexual. For the most part, they would like to be more than a friend to me but I coulndt be a girlfriend to them, im better their friend. I can talk to them, turn to them, share and all. One even has a girlfriend who feels im a threat, but I was there before her imma be there after here. So I can say YES and I can say NO..it depends on the person
Posted by
NegroPino™ |
8:27 AM
I have to reiterate what emptyHEART said....you will definitely drop the hammer once & for all & let dude know that you WILL ONLY BE FRIENDS.
Posted by
Paula D. |
12:46 PM
I just lost a male friend of 5 years off that same issue. The only male friends I keep are either married or in committed relationships. Guys seem really thirsty for some action all the time even though they know they're not gonna get any. *smh*
Posted by
Anonymous |
8:32 AM
I have to good male friends. They are like family. I have not been intimate or even kissed either one. After almost 15 years of know each one, I know they care and love me. I dated each and learned it was better to be friends.
So yes you can be platonic friends with the opposite sex.
Posted by
Shai |
1:23 AM
Hi boo. You know I'm late, but better than never.... Anyways. I think it's possible to have thoes kinds of friendships. 2 of my closest friends are straight men, and I love it. I call them my mantourage. They have had girlfriends that weren't feeling me, but I never sweat that. That is their insecurity, not mine, because I know I'm not sleeping with nor ever will with either one. I find it necessary to have decent male friends. I love my girls, but hell...you know how women can be, we are hard as hell on each other.
Posted by
Anonymous |
11:21 AM
thoes=those
*damn fantasia is following me all over the blogosphere*
Posted by
Anonymous |
11:23 AM
i have a couple male friends, but i've lost more than i can count because they all told me that, given the opportunity, they'd sleep with me. i couldn't continue those friendships knowing that in the back of my mind...what if i was trying to ask for advice about my boyfriend from a male perspective? would my friend be thinking, "damn, i wish it was me?" i agree that men and women can only be friends if there is no attraction and/or they are in seriously committed relationships with other people (especially the men!)
Posted by
Anonymous |
6:12 PM
I had to learn this the hard way, but my experience is if a hetero male has any interest in a female it is rooted in his physical/sexual attraction to her. There have been several guys I really clicked with and thought were my friend but the reality is if a man dont want to do you he aint gonna bother with you. Buyer beware!
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:58 PM
i'm with anony above, but i also agree with empty heart up top.
i've known and been really good friends with the sweetest guy in the world since undergrad. when i had ups and downs he was there, every birthday, failed exam, whatever it was he was there. he had a girl and i had some dude or another. no problem.
fast forward 7 years. he calls me as i'm studying for the bar to tell me to think about our relationship and call him back when i was ready to talk. ???? excuse me? i just didn't call him back for over a year. (tough love)
i took a trip to visit him and we had a face to face heart to heart. (tougher love--cause he was persistent) i told him i loved him and thought he was a great guy, but i did not see him in that way. i explained i wasn't physically attracted to him, but i did know that he'd make a great partner, spouse, family man for the right woman. granted he may've been banking on that "when she hits 35 if nothing's stuck she'll come to her senses" phenomenom, but when i recently called to announce my engagement he was genuinely happy for me.
that shows we were friends first and foremost and that he does love me. sorry i got long winded. i just know the frustration of dudes that won't stop trying to push up on you after you've friend binned them. (smiles) sucks doesn't it?
Posted by
Anonymous |
1:25 PM